To Succeed at Controlling Others, You Must First Control Yourself

How many people would be wholeheartedly loyal to someone who obviously has no self-control? Not many, I guess; even if there are, they’d likely be loyal for reasons that are far from genuine—money, favors, etc. Genuine, however, is an altogether different ballgame—it requires much more!

If you demand true loyalty, respect, service, and self-discipline from others, you must first prove that you have enough of it to control yourself. Otherwise, you’ll lack the necessary credibility that can make other people genuinely listen, take orders from, or truly follow you.

Lacking sufficient self-control makes it difficult to exhibit true leadership which is usually impossible without self-control. For people to willingly allow you to have control over them, they have to see and sense that you can actually control your own self.

The ability to control one’s self is not only expected from people who are in “leadership positions”—i.e., national or world leaders, etc.: it’s also expected from anybody who occupies a role that makes them responsible for the well-being of another person or a group of people.

Self-control is to be expected from parents; self-control is to be expected from any or all the parties in a relationship; self-control is to be expected from anybody who is part of a local community or society; etc.

Love your neighbor as yourself—this is a great pillar for strong self-control! Learn to be attentive to the feelings or needs of other people. Whenever you’re struggling to stay disciplined or exert self-control during a situation, pause for a bit and think particularly about all the people whom you regard as your “followers” or “loyal followers”, whether they are your brothers, sisters, colleagues, children, your friends, or neighbors—anybody!

When the time arrives for you to exert self-control but you don’t do it, even though all of heaven and earth—and even you yourself—knows that you should, then what would your followers think of you?

Would your followers still be willing to continue following you if they find out that you had failed to exhibit the degree of self-control they’ve been admiring in you to such an extent that you are regarded as a very important person in their lives?

Do you really wish to succeed at not falling off the cliff during any struggle with self-control? Then you have to give yourself a convincing reason or more than a reason (many reasons make conviction easier) why you have to exert self-control, be self-disciplined, or resist yet another temptation to fail at controlling yourself.

Learn to direct your thoughts to other people. If you fail to put yourself in other people’s shoes and give yourself good answers for the reasons behind your intended actions, then you’ll find it easier to succumb to those temptations or urges that can make you lose much or everything.

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